Without a Choice

Katelyn sat atop the hill overlooking the graveyard of the fallen URCS soldiers hugging her knees. The sunlight reflected off the marble headstones, making them shine. From here she could e where the new graves had been dug, littered with flowers from the recent funerals of those who had fallen in Malargue against the NWO.

She let a long sigh and clambered to her feet and slowly began the descent to the graveyard. She had hoped that after the battle was over and the NWO finished, that everything would slot into place. She had wanted her and Alex to start a fresh and close the rift that had opened between them. However, nothing had changed. Alex had barely spoken to hr since they had gotten back, and then she did get to speak with him he was even more guarded than usual.

It was almost like avenging his family had made him worse, made him build his walls thicker and higher. She let her feet carry her to a bench within the graveyard. It had become one of her favourite spots over the past couple of days, unable to spend any time in the detention centre without venting her frustration on a prisoner. It wasn’t necessarily a bad thing; it was just the fact that she failed to ask the questions in between torturing them. Lurango had turned her away the minute she’d walked through the security gates.

Flopping onto the bench, her heart heavy she stared into space, her mind void of any thought. She had been thinking constantly over the past couple of days to no end. It was pointless; she was stuck here with or without Alex. She had signed her life away so she could rot here in this graveyard one day, fighting again and again for... for whom? The world? The government, which tried so desperately to preserve the ignorant world they lived in? She wasn’t made for this, her whole life she had fought for personal gain.

A lump formed in her throat and the scene of the graves glittering in the sunlight blurred as tears welled in her eyes. Never before had she felt so alone and lost. She let the tears roll freely down her cheeks, she didn’t care anymore.

The grandness of the ancient Welsh hills had a way of making Anna feel small and inconsequential. They were as old as time and would continue to dominate the small country and awe its visitors long after she was gone. They also presented a wonderful physical challenge. The doctor had quickly grown bored of the monotonous thud thud thud of her running shoes against the base of the treadmill while her lungs processed artificial air.

This was a million times better. It was a bright, crisp day and the scenery seemed to soak in the sun’s rays and radiate them back out with a glowing energy. Anna checked her watch to see she’d been running for half an hour which had flown past to say the least.

Anna slowed down to a quick walk, her chest heaved as her lungs worked hard to bring in much needed oxygen to sustain her working muscles. The hills were a new challenge, Anna was currently working on particular hill, just beyond the Meadows of Heaven and she could make it three quarters of the way before her body screamed out for her to stop. The aim was to make it to the top in one go within a month.

The Meadow was insight, Anna decided to take a break before returning to the base and walked to allow her body to cool down. A layer of fine sweat covered her exposed arms and her skin tight jogging bottoms clung to her thighs but the ‘runners high’ left her feeling happy and content as endorphins radiated warmth to every nerve end.

So lost in the aftermath of a hard workout, Anna didn’t notice the solitude, morose figure on a neighbouring bench. These days Anna didn’t find it as hard to approach Katelyn O’Connor, there was a sort of understanding between them now. They weren’t friends by any means but they weren’t the enemies they used to be.

“Hey,” Anna simply greeted, not wanting to delve into the other woman’s apparent sad mood but not wanting to seem too chummy either. Standing several metres away from the bench, Anna began to stretch out her tired muscles.

Katelyn jumped at Anna’s voice, she had been so lost in her own self pity she hadn’t heard her coming. Sitting up she wiped her face and folded her arms. “Alright?” she replied out of politeness. Although she had reached an understanding now, Katelyn disliked her more and more with each passing day. She was the problem, the wedge between her and Alex.

Alex worshiped the ground Anna walked on, all because she was Grace’s mother. The stupid bitch didn’t get the opportunity to squeeze the brat out of her cunt, she poisoned the both of them and left Grace with the mind and body of 16 year old when she was only three. She had stolen Grace’s childhood. Envy and anger threatened to engulf her and she looked away swallowing hard as tears pricked her eyes.

Alex no longer had eyes for Katelyn, he only love he had was for his new family, as dysfunctional as they were. Leaning forward, she rested her elbows on her knees and ran her fingers through her hair. “Anna,” she said suddenly looking up at the woman, “What’ the likeliness of me being able to leave the base and go home?”

If there was a way she could escape she would. She couldn’t stay, not knowing where she stood and with few friends on the base. She needed to get out.

Anna stopped mid calve stretch and looked up at Katelyn again. Why did fate grant her this lovely awkward conversation, why didn’t something delay her before heading out and thus letting her miss this encounter. However she was soon learning fate wasn’t on her side.

Standing straight, Anna crossed her arms over her tightly clad Adidas vest top and let out a gentle sigh. “Do I dare ask why you asked me that?”

The fact of the matter was Anna didn’t care what was troubling the self serving, simple minded woman who, when faced with difficulty, thought she was the only one to ever be pissed off, which in turn pissed Anna off.

Deciding to just answer the question instead of wondering why she asked, because she didn’t actually care, she replied, “I’m not sure, I’m out of the loop somewhat with general regulations, are you still being held here? Perhaps you need to ask Garrison.”

“Do I dare ask why you asked me that?”

“You can dare,” replied Katelyn a little colder than intended “doesn’t mean I will answer.”How could she possibly explain herself to Anna when she was the root cause of the problem? Cut her out of the picture and Alex would only have eyes for Katelyn. She paused in her thought, had she always been this arrogant?

“Do I dare ask why you asked me that?”

Katelyn snorted at the thought of ever approaching Jacob to ask for something. “You kiddin’ me? Jacob hates me. If anything he would keep me here just to torment me. I’m not talking to that dickhead.”

Katelyn buried her face in her hands and let out a frustrated sigh. She was totally fucked. Sadie had no power anymore, Jacob hated her and Anna was the last person on earth she would wish to discuss her problems with.

“Katelyn,” Anna started in a matter of factly way, “if you wanted to get out of the base, I’m sure you could.” She was indifferent to the other woman’s plans. It didn’t matter either away to Anna who, although saw her as a threat, knew nothing would happen to her. A fact she’d like to say was due to the security of the base but it was Alex who was her guarantee of her safety.

Deciding to humour her, Anna answered. “If not Jacob you could talk to Smith who knows about personnel matters, or I could pass on a message.”

There was nothing wrong in being an instrument to her removal she reasoned. “If I’m going to pass on that you want to leave, they’ll want a reason.” Her curiosity only seemed to increase in time, something akin to gossip and people had begun to fascinate her.

Although Anna tried to convince herself she didn’t care about Katelyn and what had her down today, but she was interested. There was the chance it would affect her after all if it’s a knock on from an Andersson encounter.

“Katelyn,” Katelyn looked up from her dark sanctuary in her hands and looked at Anna with empty eyes. ”if you wanted to get out of the base, I’m sure you could.”

“Yeah sure” she replied miserably. No matter what way she looked at it the decision was ultimately Jacob’s.
“If not Jacob you could talk to Smith who knows about personnel matters, or I could pass on a message.”

“Sadie has no power anymore.” She said sitting back in and folding her arms again. She studied Anna hard. Perhaps this was her only option to get out; she didn’t need to tell Anna the full story. She bit her lip, torn by how much she disliked Anna. Taking a deep breath she let it out slowly quelling her mixed emotions that were storming her mind. “Ok.” She said simply.

“If I’m going to pass on that you want to leave, they’ll want a reason.”

Katelyn thought for a moment. How could she condense why she wanted leave without revealing too much? “M relationship with Alex is falling apart. I’m homesick, I hate this place and everyone inside hates me.” She stopped. “I’m not made for this Anna.”

One of those infamous, “ok...” moments settled upon the atmosphere. Empathy was something Anna very rarely fell sort of having, perhaps it was her caring nature which drew her to the practise of medicine. With O’Connor however, she struggled greatly to bring any sort of genuine emotion toward her. She didn’t know what to say or do and wondered if excusing herself with some faked reason would easier. She didn’t want to deal with this, not now when half her department lay on dust sheets and Alex was being more a pain than usual.

“Can you blame them for hating you?” Anna said breaking the awkward silence for she had no time for the self pitying ways of Katelyn, a woman who didn’t think twice about murdering innocent men and women

Sighing, Anna crossed her arms and gently shook her head, “it’s reason enough. I guess with Alex going, I can understand why you want to leave now, he’s been your only ally in here. With your protection gone they’d have your guts for garters.”

Katelyn instantly regretted saying anything as the awkward silence descended upon them. Why did she say anything?!

“Can you blame them for hating you?”

“Fuck you.” She snapped back at Anna. So she had helped Alex attack the base, big deal, that was three years ago and she had been here ever since, save for her trip to L.A. None had taken tried to get to know her, they couldn’t judge her. She expected little else from Anna though, she had always looked down at Katelyn room her middle class horse.

“its reason enough. I guess with Alex going, I can understand why you want to leave now; he’s been your only ally in here. With your protection gone they’d have your guts for garters.”

It took Katelyn a couple of seconds to realize what Anna had said. “Leaving?!” she said, alarm in her voice “What do you mean leaving?” Fury and despair washed over her. He had told Anna, and not her. What did she do so wrong? Why didn’t Alex talk to her or trust her? Did he think her so selfish?

Yes. The answer was like a slap to the face. She swallowed against the lump in her throat. “Where’s he going?”

The fuck you comment was so predictable it almost noticeably tugged the end of Anna’s mouth, dangerously close to a smirk. Katelyn’s reaction would be deadly if she saw the slight delight the doctor gained from an insult. It was Anna’s condescending attitude which brought the humour to her mind, once again earning satisfaction that O’Connor remained as boringly unsurprisingly as ever.

Leaving? What do you mean leaving?

A sudden shiver ran down Anna’s spine. It would’ve liked to blame it on the fact that she was in the Welsh mountains in nothing more than skin tight Nike running shorts and vest but it was mostly likely the unexpected development.

“Oh,” Alex didn’t want her to know? Didn’t care enough to tell her? Interesting indeed. She couldn’t tell her Alex’s true destination and so simply replied, “he’s taking some time out, he needs a break from URCS.”

“Oh,”

Katelyn could almost see Anna’s head whirring in the small pause before she spoke again.

[I] “he’s taking some time out; he needs a break from URCS.”[I]

Katelyn leant forward and rested her elbows on her knees, a dangerous gleam in her eye. “You’re a shit liar, did you know that?” She looked away from Anna and shook her head. So not only was he pissing off, he didn’t want her to know about it. “Nice, Alex,” She muttered to herself “Real fucking nice.”

She looked back at Anna, “I’d like to think I know Alex well enough that he doesn’t just ‘take time out’ without a good fucking reason. He is up to something, and it’s quite clear you know what it is.” She watched Anna’s eyes carefully, her expression angry and cold.

“Where is he?”

As was always the case during these encounters, which occurred much more often that Anna would've liked, she was apathetic to Katelyn's feelings. Only curiosity dominated the doctor's mind for the other woman had been a rival for Alex's attention and for that to suddenly disappear was something which she found interesting.

Ignoring her little whine, Anna was about to reply when suddenly her iPhone buzzed from its place in a small holder attached to her arm for she had been listening to music on her run. There was physically no where else in her running attire to keep it.

“Roberts,” she answered by tapping the receive button, leaving it on her arm and instead using the hands free.

“Uh huh, ok, as I've said a hundred times the tiles in the Morgue had to be bright white and make sure they use the special sealant for in between the tiles. Yes, I'm entrusting you to stop them from mucking up as I'm off base. Ok. Thanks for letting me know." With that she hung up.

“For the love of Christ.” Stress held onto the heart muscles like they'd never let go, squeezing, restricting, it was only a matter of time before a headache would dominate her thoughts.

“He really didn't tell you he was leaving?" Anna was no longer in the mood to be anything but direct, "what happened between you two? Thought were Bonnie and Clyde.”

Katelyn let out a frustrated sigh as Anna’s phone rang and ran a hand through her hair. How could he do this to her? She had sacrificed everything she had to be by his side. He had told her he loved her, but she was begging to think it was all a ploy to keep her close until she had done the job he hired her for.

Pulling her cigarettes free from her jacket pocket she tried to light one only to find her hands were trembling too much. With cry of frustration she launched the lighter from her, ignoring the bang it emitted as it exploded.

“He really didn't tell you he was leaving?"

Katelyn could have hit her, and was surprised at her self restraint. “No Anna, he didn’t. Do you really think we would be having this conversation if he had?” she replied coldly. Why couldn’t she just answer the question? All she wanted was to know where he had gone.

"what happened between you two? Thought you were Bonnie and Clyde.”

Katelyn shrugged. “I wish I knew. He told me he loved me…” she trailed off. She didn’t want to have this conversation with Anna.

“Please just tell me where he is so I can find out what went wrong?” she said, a touch of desperation t her voice.

Katelyn’s little outburst reminded Anna of Grace as a toddler when she didn’t get her own way, toys, keys, anything in her way were thrown against the wall. At least Grace grew out of that stage.

Anna’s brow furrowed upon Katelyn’s statement, had Alex told her he loved her? Jealous anger crept into her mind, despite giving birth to his child, saving him from several fatal wounds and being one of the few people ever to put up with his insults and bullshit, Alex had never told Anna he loved her. He probably didn’t she reasoned, but some credit was due.

Ignoring the pleading tone in her voice, Anna couldn’t betray Alex’s trust. He hadn’t told her to keep his location a secret but at the same time she was sure he didn’t want everyone to know he was currently institutionalised and undergoing intensive psychotherapy. “I told you, he’s taking time out, that’s all you need to know.”

O’Connor owed her nothing. It was petty but one thing Anna had learnt was that women made premeditative plans, thought through their attacks and this was no different. Shamed as she was, she had gone down to the level of withholding his location so she could keep him to herself. If Katelyn hadn’t admitted that Alex had said he loved her, it might’ve been different.

“I told you, he’s taking time out, that’s all you need to know.”

Katelyn felt like she’d been punched in the stomach. Standing up she began to pace as her struggling to contain the raging emotions inside her. She could scream and shout at Anna as much as she wanted, but being a mother, it wasn’t something that was going to work. She could always return the favour of torturing Anna to get the information. She chuckled inwardly at the twisted thought, then instantly felt sick for thinking it.
She was lost, Alex not being near her was worse than him not talking to her. At least if he was around she could see him, even if it was to exchange angry words. A hysterical laugh escaped her lips and she felt a lump form in her throat. Her relationship with Alex was complicated and no one outside of it understood what I was that kept them close, not even her and Alex could tell people what it was.

Katelyn stopped pacing and looked at Anna, tears welling in her eyes. “You know something Anna,” she began, struggling to keep her voice even. “I sacrificed everything for Alex. My whole life. My business, my friends. Everything. He is the one thing that I have left. I need him.”

She took a step towards Anna, “For the love of God,i am begging you, tell me where he is so I can keep my sanity.” Her voice cracked and she turned away from Anna as the tears began to roll down her cheeks again.

Such outward shows of emotion in a personal situation made Anna very uncomfortable. She never knew what to do for she couldn’t fall back on medical training in which she had a set list of things to say or do. They left her feeling useless and under some made up obligation to do something to help.

Begging was something she indeed hated for it showed weakness, desperation and she knew that O’Connor believed the same. So why was she so desperate? Would it be such a bad thing if she knew where Alex was? The thing which worried her the most was Alex’s reaction, if he would hold it against her if he didn’t want to see O’Connor.

“He’s at the psychiatric hospital just outside of town.” She stated despite the internal thought process which had warned her against doing such a thing. Perhaps it was the other woman’s anguish which had pulled at Anna who wanted to return to icy indifference. She was weak.

Sighing at her own dismay for herself, she added, “don’t make me regret this, because if you do...” She trailed off wondering why she even bothered threatening Katelyn anymore.