Easier Said Than Done

The Mercedes S65 AMG, to use its convoluted name, glided across the winding roads of the Brecon Beacons, the mountainous national park which had become her home. The five litre engine roared silently under the hood, gifting its owner with a perfect drive, allowing stress to be overcome by gentle relaxation.

The mountains stretched on forever. While the Mercedes worked its way down a particular hill Anna could see how the road wound its way round a lake below against the backdrop of one of the tallest points in the UK, even from miles away Anna could see its snowed capped tip.

The Institution wasn’t far from the base. The feeling of foreboding increased with every wheel spin toward the place. Anna had been to similar places, psychiatric wards of hospitals were depressive to say the least. They were home to those who were dealt an unfair hand, either through the genetic lottery or the misfortune of the trials of life such as Alex.

Pulling into the car park as instructed by the built in satnav, Anna took a moment to look up the long road which led to the hospital. It was sheltered from the rest of the world by leafy trees which also gave it an ominous feeling like something from a horror film.

Leaving the car, Anna made her way toward the building while buttoning up her dark grey winter coat. Chilly, almost wintry gusts of wind crept up the long road leaving her feeling cold all the way to the bone with only thin, see through tights to protect her legs when her pencil skirt ended at her knees.

Upon admittance to the hospital as a visitor, Anna avoided taking too much of the surroundings in, preferring to keep her head forward as she practically marched as directed by the staff through the corridors. Her heart thudded against the confines of her chest as if trying to escape. She had no idea what to expect which made it all the worse. Would he be heavily medicated? Just the same? Even worse?

Taking a deep breath, she knocked on the door to which she had been directed and stepped back, waiting and hoping it wouldn't be as bad as she was imagining.

Last night hadn’t been good to Alex at all, the doctor’s drugs was making his nightmares blurry yet more vivid at times. It meant he was getting more sleep now but it was like stepping into a completely different world, luckily due to his military background he wasn’t allowed to have a cell mate which was good. The nurses had told him he had been screaming out various names and random occurrences during the night, he understood why. Of the week he had been here so far, he had been waking up at weird times in the day, he slept through most of the first few days and now was waking up extremely early. About 5AM and going to sleep at 2AM, it was the sleep he was used to and his body had it’s orgy of relaxation for now.

He also had a few sessions with the main Doctor here, Fonstern who decided to take Alex’s case directly. So far a lot of the patients had kept their distance from him, which was the way he wanted to keep it. Compared to a lot of the suicide addicted whelps in here, Andersson was one hell of a physical specimen not to be messed with. As he woke up however he had to spent the most of his morning in his cell, this was the worst time of his day. With nothing to give him distraction, his thoughts got the better of him too much. There was no gun to place on his temple now, which almost drove him insane.

Alex had taken his morning pills, they stopped things for a little while but left him quite disorientated. After his years taking Trepazeme it didn’t send him hugging the walls like the other patients but it still made everything numb. He heard a knock on the door however, he had learnt from observing the goings on that it meant that visitors were here. If it were a doctor or nurse they didn’t have the courtesy to knock, they simply came straight in regardless if you were dressed or not.

Rising upward Alex wondered just who it could be that had visited him first in the institution, probably Katelyn demanding answers or Jacob informing him that another unstoppable force was afoot and he was taking an early discharge. Without hesitation he opened the door to reveal Anna standing in front of him with her usual dress sense.

“Ah shit I’m dreaming again, okay I get it you don’t love me, which childhood memory are you going to force me to replay today?”

The door opened to reveal the surprisingly normal looking Alex. Ridiculously Anna had expected, or rather hoped for, a drastic change after a few days here but he looked neither mad nor happy. He looked like Alex. It didn’t take a globally recognised medical genius to work that one out.

Feeling partly responsible for Alex’s residency here, Anna couldn't abandon him to this place, for her own conscience as much as showing him her support. Signing the release form held more responsibility than just showing Alex the door. She told herself it was because as Chief Medical Officer, the base personnel's health was her priority, but obviously it went deeper than that.

“Alex you’re not dreaming,” Anna replied, realising that appearances had been deceiving, he certainly wasn't ok.

Stepping forward, Anna placed a gentle hand on his shoulder and looked up at him, deciding not to comment on his you don't love me statement, she replied, "I'm here to visit, to see how you are."

“Alex you’re not dreaming,”

Most of his dreams said that so he wasn’t immediately convinced, after a brief moment of reflection however he realised that blood was dripping from the walls, could possibly be an actual moment in his life erupting right now. Anna looked stunning as ever, something inside of him was desperately weak for her, he didn’t particularly know why but it didn’t matter. If he were a better man maybe there could be something, he had to admit to himself that Anna was a better woman than Melanie, despite it sounding harsh to his deceased wife.

"I'm here to visit, to see how you are."

“Hmm” Alex grunted while shoving on a tank top and walking past Anna into the corridor, he might as well go into the common room and make sure the corner that he had stamped his authority on remained as dutiful as ever. He stopped his tracks and motioned for Anna to follow him into the weirdness of the common room. There were a lot of fucked up individuals here, most were crazy enough to remain quiet but the annoying ones were loud enough to really piss of Alex at the best of times.

Sitting down on the couch that overlooked the basketball court out the back, he made himself comfortable for what was due to be an uneasy conversation. Alex didn’t do well with people looking for his wellbeing, he didn’t understand it or care to try to understand it. Back in the day he’d be the first person looking to help another, now it remained alien.

“I’m fine, Lots of shit but it never changes” responded Alex finally to Anna’s statement “The place has the most alluring people, trying to count how many here have been molested is fun after awhile”

For all intents and purposes Alex was standing before her however there was something different, something absent. Before Anna could think about it further, Alex pulled on a tank top leaving his arms bare and so her eyes took in the hard muscle under soft skin. Immediate shivers ran down her, even years later after their union, the desire was still as strong as ever. Coupled with Anna’s recent unintended celibacy, she could take him right here and now.

Pushing aside such hormonal drives, Anna sighed as she followed him into the corridor. The click of the heels of her Gucci shoes against the flooring echoed ominously, giving an empty feeling.

Anna sat down awkwardly beside Alex leaving enough room so they weren’t touching but she still caught his scent. Leaning back against the cushioned sofa, Anna tried to make herself comfortable, crossing one leg over the other knowing that her pencil skirt rode up slightly revealing some thigh, she wondered if Alex saw it too.

Looking out toward the basketball court, Alex was making light of his residence here but it was hardly a joking matter. “Honestly Alex,” Anna started as she leaned forward to take off her coat, “you don’t have to put up the front with me. You’re not fine, I can’t imagine anyone could be fine in here, sane or not.”

“you don’t have to put up the front with me. You’re not fine, I can’t imagine anyone could be fine in here, sane or not.”

It was now that Alex was realising that he was pretty out of it, he frowned intensely and shook his head a few times to gain a decent sense of equilibrium. It worked to a degree but he felt as if he had spent the night with three hookers and a whole lot of black vodka, Anna kept spinning left and right. His body hadn’t properly adapted to the drugs yet, although he kept taking them for the moment. It numbed the boring mornings at least.

“I’ve definitely put a back to you before. And when someone says they are fine it’s eighty five percent sure that they are aren’t fine” replied Alex straight out of his text book back in police academy, training to become a detective while that weasel Isabella left him high and dry. What a fucking bitch, he loved her, he loved Anna too and she had shacked up with Williams. Women were terrible, he wasn’t a big fan of ones he didn’t pay for sex. Whores were a lot easier to figure out.

“They are… They said that until I was willing to talk properly about stuff they’d keep me on the meds for the other patients safety” nodded Alex towards a patient who was extremely afraid of him, due to the fact that he had already broken his nose. Andersson had learnt his lesson in solitary though, just a few days was enough to make him never want to go back. The worst thing for Alex was alone time, it was the hardest part of his experience here by a mile.

“But I speak fucking English! I SPEAK ENGLISH!” blurted out Alex towards the attending nurse who simply brushed him off.

Anna’s ability as a doctor would’ve have been worth the paper her medical licence was printed on if she hadn’t noticed the glassy look she’d seen across countless sets of eyes of those under heavy medication, legally prescribed or not. What surprised her was that, as a voluntary patient, he’d been put under such stringent rules. Pumping his body with more mind altering drugs made her worry and so she made a mental note to call in on his psychiatrist before she planned to leave.

For the past few years Alex’s healthcare had always been her responsibility, quite literally. The rest of the medical staff couldn’t stand being in the same room as him, most remembered how intolerably awful he was before his subsequent mellowing out left him simply rudely offensive. Most recently she was the only person who was able to cure him having the unique expertise. Time and again it had been down to her to heal the body and mind, although she doubted the experts here would favour her methods in alleviating his mental pain.

Sitting here as a visitor in this strange place felt wrong and Anna felt helpless. Like every other ‘project’ she was hands on till the end. Had she failed Alex by sending him here? Much like most workaholic perfectionists, she blamed herself for not being able to help something that was completely out of her control.

Anna’s fears were soon brought to life. A momentary manic episode from Alex made her physically jump. The nurse simply walked on, Anna reasoned the rants of mentally ill were something they were used to. The verbalisation of inner torment was something Anna couldn’t ignore since in her field it usually came in the form of a scream or cry of physical pain.

Not knowing what else to do, Anna reached out and took his hand in an attempt to focus him back to her. Giving it a gentle squeeze, “you speak bastardised English Alex, also known as American.” It was an attempt to bring up his humour but she knew it could also backfire.

“you speak bastardised English Alex, also known as American.”

Anna was lucky, Alex in his current state could of easily seen it as an insult but her legs had him slightly bemused. She always looked good, always fuck-able for sure. Alex couldn’t put his finger on it but Anna seemed to have some kind of innocent sex appeal that women like Katelyn couldn’t hope to master, it was intriguing. Maybe in some kind of sick way Alex wanted to be here, so that he could be away from Anna. She brought out human parts of him he wasn’t ready to see himself yet.

“You joke but American’s secretly have our own language that we use, ever tried to listen to a Texan? I’m American and can’t understand those fuckers” responded Alex with a brief smile, he placed his hand then quickly upon hers. Unlike before he kept it there and simply disregarded the notion, continuing with his mind track. Andersson in his most simplistic form acted methodically without looking backward.

“So why did you come anyway? We piss each other off remember” stated Alex in a more serious tone, in his mind the statement was as true as ever. Whenever they shared each other’s company it ended in fireworks and the majority of the time, it wasn’t the good kind. It was kind of like the soccer world cup, every four years it was spectacular but a lot of the time in between was pretty shit.